3.14.2010

unraveling life

Thirty four hours until moving day. I am feeling such a sense of loss, getting rid of my fabrics and notions, sending the handmades away to the thrift store, slimming the collection of children's drawings and sculptures down to just a few transportable items. There is oddly not much work to be done physically (though we are having a garage sale right now, so I wouldn't say we've gotten off lightly), but emotionally this move is taking its toll. Birdie has been growing increasingly frantic at our changing and ridding, becoming a bit more unglued every time another item is put into a box. Today, when I was taking a few toys out to the garage sale area, he grabbed a hold of his beloved toy vacuum and hid in the corner with it. Splam! is the sound of guilt knocking dents into my heart.

And then I found this:


That is the unraveling back of Birdie's favorite sweater. It's not wearable anymore. And the moving preparations have dulled my creativity to the point where I can not think my way through to fixable solution. I am left with the dilemma of whether to pack this broken sweater with us, taking up precious space and possibility outing another, more wearable sweater, in hopes of being able to resuscitate it on the other side somehow? Or do I accept the inevitable, pull the plug, and hope that Birdie's fragile sense of order and familiarity isn't too firmly attached to this particular garment. (Splam!)

I know that when one door closes another one opens. Birdie doesn't know. He's not yet even two years old. He'll stand at the closed door all day and beat his fists against it until someone picks him up, gives him a cuddle, and carries him over to the open door. He'll figure it out eventually. I know. Shoolk! is the sound of my big girl shield deflecting the guilt bombs.

Until we manage to get through the door, there is cocoa for both of us.

10 comments:

  1. Keep the sweater... save yourself the guilt!!! Thinning out the kids drawings...I don't envy you that. Good luck with everything, hope the move it sweet and quick :)

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  2. Yes, keep the sweater, that way there will be one less thing he can blame on you when he's 18:)
    Good luck with the move, could someone look after the drawings so you don't have to part with them?, your very brave!

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  3. Oh, purging is hard for the little ones, but Mama knows best. Good Luck!

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  4. We're getting ready for a move too- I'm already dreading the purging.

    Can you let him cut a little square of the sweater to keep? Or make a scarf or blanket for one of his toys (teddy bear?).

    Good luck! Be gentle on yourself.

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  5. Uh.... I don't see why that couldn't be wearable pretty easily. Just a cute little scrappy plaid patch whipstitched around it. No biggie. Still sweet and warm and now even more loved and fun, I think. I doubt he cares there's hole? Susan

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  6. Big hugs! Moving can be so trying and stressful. But kiddos even though they don't understand now will get used to the change. 3 years ago we literally moved from the west coast to the east coast with a 2 month old, 2yr old and 4 yr old. I don't think there was a moment that I didn't feel guilt. But however stressful that time in our lives was it is ancient history and the kids weren't traumatized for life. [[more hugs]]

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  7. Keep the sweater. If nothing else, have him wear it during the move. When we moved my 18 month old from one coast to the other, there was guilt...and a major case of the crazies. Her "lovey", who had never left the confines of the crib, was suddenly allowed to roam the house with her. We created a NEW (interim) normal, to replace the old one...so that when we got to the new house, it wouldn't be QUITE such a shock.

    Good luck!!!!!

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  8. Just a thought, if you are having mail forwarded or know your new address get a flat rate package, pack all the beloveds but I can do without it for a few weeks into the box and mail it to yourself, it will give the kids a fun surprise to open during the first few days at the new house. Good luck with the move. One thing my parents did (ok little bit of bribary here) if you sell/give away all your BIG or unloved toys, you'll get a new toy when we get to our new home (we moved cross country in 1992 in a 5th avenue and a 6'x8' pup trailer, we were crammed but the move was worth it.

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  9. The thought of birdie running to hide with his toy brought tears to my eyes . Please tell me you let him keep his toy-even if you didn't please tell me you did!

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  10. nicci,
    It's okay, he is completely in love with his new home. He's got grandmas and aunties and friends and a talking Elmo doll on loan that is so loud it drowns out the desire for any other toy. Plus, I've got my eyes open for second hand toy vacuums. It's all right :D

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