Today marks one week in our new home. I've been struggling to get organized enough to get some proper photos to show you. We have little furniture to call our own, after living in furnished rentals for a year, and I've yet to find time to do a proper cleaning of the dirty floors and unwashed walls left by the previous owners.
Everything is only halfway done.
And I'm not feeling too classy about it.
I have a card table and lawn chairs in my dining nook right now. One wrong sized couch, no side tables, no lamps, no ottoman. And I lament the shelf in the living room, which is of boards and cinder blocks. Not that board and cinder block shelves don't have a simple living aesthetic, but it's only half constructed, a bit wonky, and the children keep stealing the boards to use for their own nefarious purposes.
Half dressed children, pasta for lunch again, obligations to work, derby and various public libraries neglected, most of my household still in the garage awaiting my attention. My focus is all wrong. If it wasn't my home I'd say it was a bit dodgy. As it is my home, I feel the urge to turn and run.
So my photos as of late are not quite 'show the world' type of photos, with my plastic crates and squalid rugs. They show, rather, how undone we've become.
I meant to wallow in self pity for awhile and moan about having to dig myself out, but I noticed that there are a couple of people in my household who don't seem to mind that the house looks like a 'before' picture on a particularly despicable home decorating show. The kids don't seem too upset, actually. They like actually pasta everyday for lunch. To the kids, this is all a grand adventure, though one with greebly floors and badly lit photos.
They've got a point. The house is a disaster, there is much to do, it's all not how it's supposed to be. But, really, so what?
Grow up. Or stop being a grown up and get a grip.
To my kids, muck is good. Stacks of boxes are treasure waiting to be discovered. Disorganization and randomness is exciting peril.
Nothing wrong with a bit of honest dirt, really.
Instead of waiting for the occasion when my life is a bit more picturesque, I decided instead I would go with what is happening and let the sordid now be what it is. Let the not so good show along with the good.
This is more of a kind of making-do kind of blog anyway, not really a perfectly polished sort of type. Though sometimes I need to remind myself to loosen up a bit. The world will judge me no matter what I do. Might as well relax until I have a real problem.
So, here we are. All messy, all upside down, all sloppily hanging out and disorganized. I'm finding if I can let go of what should be and stop being afraid of a little work, this unraveled state can almost be fun.
Who always wants to be in control anway?