focus

I could easily live without my electronics.  Except my camera. 

I have have tens of thousands of digital photos on my computer from the last ten years.  It's hard for me to believe, as I flip through them, I have forgotten most of those moments that I captured.  At the time, it seemed like those mundane things would stay unchanged, those kids would be that age forever, those people would always be with me.

Looking back at the photos is like reviewing my life with fresh eyes.  They grant me access to a view of my life that I could of never conceived without the object lens.  How envious I am of my former self, who had so many great things she took for granted. 

Oh, I've been busy lately.  Making things, tending to growing children, playing derby, endlessly cleaning stuff and doing laundry.  I can hardly find a moment to just take a few deep breaths, never mind reflect and appreciate this stage in my life.

It's always been like that.  Which is why I'm grateful for being an incorrigible taker of pictures.  They may not always be in focus, but it at least reminds me, later, when I can hardly remember to remember, that I was there, at that place, with those people.  It helps me to remember much more good than bad and see the present with more gratitude. 

Unbelievably, the other day when The Man picked up the camera, which he rarely does, and took a few snapshots of me wearing hockey skates at the ice rink at the end of the street, I was angry with him.  How dare he take pictures of me when I felt awkward and in pain (despite being a decent roller skater, I can't ice skate to save my life, and those damn hockey boots are agonizing).  I seethed and swore to erase the photos as soon as I got home.  Of course, later on, I was glad he snapped those shots and regretted my anger.  Not only do the pictures wisely remind me not to try that stupid ice skating thing ever again, but the childs were also caught on film with me, being fairly capable and happy faced.  I probably wouldn't of even noticed if I hadn't reviewed the situation from outside of my own faulty emotional systems in those photographs.

So I take pictures, every day. Even those days when nothing is going right and everyone is grouchy. Especially those days.  Looking back there is so much detail missed, so many great things happening.